Grief and Loss.

The word grief implies death, which is part of why this kind is so difficult to name, and so difficult to get support for. The person is still there. You can, in theory, pick up the phone and call them. Whatever has been lost between you is not the kind of loss that comes with a funeral or a defined before and after. It’s  just the way things are and have been for a while and most of the people around you don't fully understand what you're carrying.

This might be a parent you've become estranged from. A father you never quite had access to, or not in the way that counted. A mother whose dementia has taken the person you knew and left someone you love but don't quite recognise. A sibling the family doesn't discuss. A friendship that mattered enormously and then, without drama, ended.

What makes this grief complicated is that it has no resolution and no clear end point because with bereavement, there is at least the terrible clarity of finality or closure. The person is gone, and grief, however long it takes, has something to work with. This kind of loss doesn't offer that. The situation remains open and there's always the theoretical possibility of repair, or of a phone call that changes things.That possibility can be a source of hope or it can be a source of prolonged, unresolvable pain, depending on how realistic it is and how honestly you're able to reflect on it.

There's also the somewhat difficulty of grieving someone you have complex feelings about, such as a parent who was damaging as well as loved. A relationship that was both important and painful to navigate. This kind of grief doesn't come easily with clarity. It's complex and arrives tangled with anger, guilt or a need for love and connection that was never met.

But it is grief and it needs bearing witness to. The fact that there's no coffin and funeral doesn't make the loss less real. It has the same weight and need for acknowledgement.

What this kind of grief usually needs, more than anything, is simply to be acknowledged and named. Not fixed, not resolved, just named. This is what I've lost. This is what I'm carrying and that's often where clarity, understanding and healing can begin.

You may be carrying too much, for too long and think it's a good time to unpack.
If this resonates. I offer a safe supportive space to explore complex emotions and help you gain greater clarity around what you may be holding.